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These past few weeks have been full of changes for our little household. And although in the long run, the changes will be so good for our family.... I have a hard time with changes... I get emotional.... I withdraw from everyone, except for immediate family.
The biggest change was closing my little home daycare. You see, I was enjoying a 5 year leave of absence from my government career in order to stay home with Luke during his childhood years. The original plan was to go back to work on a full time basis in 2012. However in recent months, I've felt a very strong desire to homeschool Luke and have been praying for a way to make it work - balancing a need for flexibility in our days with our need for me to bring in an income to the household budget.
A few weeks ago, I received an answer to my prayers - I worked out an arrangement with my government employer in order to return to work on a part time basis (2 days a week in the office and 1 day a week at home). And so I needed to close my little home daycare. I knew that I would feel emotional about saying goodbye to the little children I've grown to love - I just didn't anticipate the depths of my emotions!!
And of course little Luke misses his friends too! It's a big change for us all to have our home back to ourselves.
My first day back to work was on March 31st. And it was a difficult one for me. You see, in Luke's 2 1/2 years, I've NEVER been away from him for a full day. And even though Daddy will be caring for Luke while I go to work - it was still hard for me to let go. By the 3rd day - Luke was cluing in to what it meant when "Momma has to go to work now"... he was clinging to my legs with all of his little might and crying and saying "Momma, stay home and snuggle with me". And Luke has NEVER been a clingy child. That morning I cried the entire 30 minute commute into work.
I KNOW that I'm not the first Momma to leave their toddler in order to go to work. I KNOW that... but somehow it doesn't make it any easier.... LOL!!
I know that if I can make this work - it will be so good for my family. We will have so much more quality time together - time to go to museums, fishing, trips to parks, walks, arts and crafts and so much more...
I just have to get past this heartbreaking agony of adjusting to spending a few days a week apart from him.
Tell me it gets easier....
Sunday, April 5, 2009
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3 comments:
Oh, Tracey! It does sound like you are having a difficult time with the changes that have taken place in your life!I do pray that you are able to see God's plan for you in this, and that he helps you get through the hard times in leaving Luke. Think of it as him and his daddy getting some really good father and son bonding time together :) And you getting a couple of days to yourself. I do hope that everything works out and I hope you do get to homeschool him eventually. Been thinking of you friend praying for the changes that are taking place in your life!
Loves to you!!!
xo
I sure that it does get easier. Last year Bronwen hated going to kinder at the start - tears, wailing, stomping of feet (and that was just me) but as the months moved on, she adjusted, as did I, and suddenly it wasnt so hard any more.
But it does take time, so be kind and give yourself that much.
love
Courtney
Good~Morning Tracy
I have been thinking alot about you lately; yet there just has not been enough time in the days. I have just now started blogging alittle more not as much as I used too but getting back into the swing of things.
I am so happy that your job worked so well with you on the hours & short work week days. That is really great. I know just how hard this must have been on you to return to work and leave your Mommy day~care. Your heart is so huge & so loving, that must make it even harder on both you & Luke.
I think that the Lord has big plans for you & your little family, and no matter what comes your way he will work it all out for the greater purpose of your life. You are such a Blessing to anyone you come across; so there may have been a bigger plan for you to return to work so easily as this sounds to have happened.
I hope to catch up with you again soon, I have opened several new bloggin places like myspace & facebook; and of course I still have my orginal one that is so dear to me. Maybe we can catch each other soon and just visit.
Hugs To You ~Lisa
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